My Mother and I

Well, I am back after a long hiatus...

These days I am confronted with many ideas and thoughts about what is important in this life. When I stopped writing this blog, my mother moved into town from far away. Since then, it has been a little crazy with all of the hospital visits and the near misses with her health. 

After the heart attack and the hip surgery, we came so close to losing her that my heart broke so loudly that i could feel the reverberations against my rib cage. Thankfully, we didn't lose her. She hung on for us! She was and continues to be so brave.

After finally getting surgery for what originally brought her to me, a treatable dementia she had, it was so nice to have her remember my father, her sister, my brother, my partner and I. 

After that, well, things have gotten a little harder...not too long after the surgeries, Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Talk about hateful news. She survived everything only to have the rug pulled out from underneath her. She is still so brave...refusing invasive treatments and enjoying every moment we have left together. 

Since then, we have been grateful for every day that she is with us and every day through which she can deal with the physical pain and the anguish. She doesn't want hospitals. Her only wish is to  stay home with her family around her. 

Sometimes, I'd like to kick whoever controls the universe really hard where it counts. Some days, I  am so sad that I can't even speak. Mostly, I am confused about the ironies of life.

You see, she means more to me than meets the eye. she is my adoptive mother, my real mother. She rescued me from the two malevolent humans who neglected and hurt me. She gave me a home and love when none would. She restored my belief in kindness and happiness. 

Now that  I am an adult, I know that I can protect myself, but I remember  everything that my mother has done for me and how she has defended and protected me when none else would. 

For these things and much much more, I love her.  I want her to stay, but when the time comes she deserves to be happy with my two siblings who are waiting for her in the next life. I will let her go to them and hope that my nan and memere (grandmothers) take care of her until I see her again.