My Mother and I

Well, I am back after a long hiatus...

These days I am confronted with many ideas and thoughts about what is important in this life. When I stopped writing this blog, my mother moved into town from far away. Since then, it has been a little crazy with all of the hospital visits and the near misses with her health. 

After the heart attack and the hip surgery, we came so close to losing her that my heart broke so loudly that i could feel the reverberations against my rib cage. Thankfully, we didn't lose her. She hung on for us! She was and continues to be so brave.

After finally getting surgery for what originally brought her to me, a treatable dementia she had, it was so nice to have her remember my father, her sister, my brother, my partner and I. 

After that, well, things have gotten a little harder...not too long after the surgeries, Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Talk about hateful news. She survived everything only to have the rug pulled out from underneath her. She is still so brave...refusing invasive treatments and enjoying every moment we have left together. 

Since then, we have been grateful for every day that she is with us and every day through which she can deal with the physical pain and the anguish. She doesn't want hospitals. Her only wish is to  stay home with her family around her. 

Sometimes, I'd like to kick whoever controls the universe really hard where it counts. Some days, I  am so sad that I can't even speak. Mostly, I am confused about the ironies of life.

You see, she means more to me than meets the eye. she is my adoptive mother, my real mother. She rescued me from the two malevolent humans who neglected and hurt me. She gave me a home and love when none would. She restored my belief in kindness and happiness. 

Now that  I am an adult, I know that I can protect myself, but I remember  everything that my mother has done for me and how she has defended and protected me when none else would. 

For these things and much much more, I love her.  I want her to stay, but when the time comes she deserves to be happy with my two siblings who are waiting for her in the next life. I will let her go to them and hope that my nan and memere (grandmothers) take care of her until I see her again. 

Grannies a Go Go

So I was walking down the hall at work today when I was stopped by a woman who was peddling felted winter wear in our pedway. She was a retired foreign development officer who now worked with an organization called the Wakefield Grannies (http://www.thegrannies.org/) and sold these articles to raise money and support for the Go-Go Grannies in Africa... Who are the Go Go Grannies you might ask?  Well these ladies are Grandmother's who care for their grandchildren orphaned by AIDS. You can find out more about them here: http://keepachildalive.org/our-work/gogo-grannies/ and here: http://granniesagogo.com/.

Ode to Tom Cochrane

Ode to Tom Cochrane

Sinkin…

Without those you love in a city far away from all that you love, hope dies with every step you take out your front door.

Out there with the snow crunching under my feet, the cold air whips my ears and all of the suffering we inflict on one another each and every day numbs me with every breath.

Perhaps seeing happiness on the faces of those I love would bring me peace, but there is no relief, no respite no refuge to speak of…just despair and loneliness.

 For once, I would like to remind those who admire my strength and perseverance that: “No I am not a rock, and I can feel it now” and, just for a moment “I'd like to forget that my heart is sinking like a sunset.”

 

On the bus...a study in humanity

Well, I live in a government town where everyone has an ideological notion of how to save the world, including myself. Most of us work for the government, one of its agencies or someone contracted by the government to do work for it. I an finding it difficult to observe that many of us believe that we are unquestionably upstanding citizens and the selfless work we do everyday--for 20 to 35 dollars an hour-- and the charity work we might or might not do entitles us to think only of ourselves and take what we consider to be our due whenever we please.

For me, this mentality is incredulous because with this mentality, some has to lose. Someone has to suffer more that they should. Everyone has to be some where to earn their money to support their themselves and families...In our efforts to square away our little corner of existence, we fail to see each other. On the bus in the morning, I am struck everyday by how my observation  manifests. 

Getting to the bus, people crowd one another to enter the bus.We push each other out of the way because we have to get somewhere. When the bus is crowded, those with disabilities or babies can forget sympathy let alone a helping hand because, after all, they are getting in our way and we HAVE TO GO TO WORK. 

How do we think we can save the world if we can't even be courteous to one another?

It hurts to see that we can't even appreciate that each of us have a place to be for a specific time. It is preposterous to me that we never clue into the fact that maybe we would all get to where we want to goif we were just a little more patient with one another. Though we may have to pour a little water in our wine, we may find that we develop friendships that last and get to work on time to boot. 

Going to work everyday I am struck by how much hubris people have about their place in the world. We live the capital of a G8 country, and we still do not know how to treat those around us. Why did we ever start to believe that this way, our way, of living is the right way?

Taking the time to see other people's needs, wants and aspirations is not for what I am calling, but I am calling for courtesy, respect and understanding. Saving the world and, yes even assuming the privilege of working for a people of a country, requires a little respect, courtesy and understanding each and everyday. We can't save anyone if we have forgotten our humanity...